Delusions of Grandeur

Archive for August 2003

When I get angry or annoyed my first response when left on my own is to compulsively clean. Having done this tonight after finishing and argument with Seth, I started wondering WHY I did this. One of the possible solutions I came to was that I do it so that I can continue to feel angry but take away a potential weapon from my opponent….you know, they can’t say, “well, you’re mad at me for this, but I’m mad at you for that”. It’s like I’m trying to find a way to give them one less “that” to choose from. If that was the case the only thing I can think of that would cause me to think this way would probably be the massive number of arguments my parents used to have over the state of cleanliness in our house. Any time mom and dad would fight dad would bring up the fact that mom never cleaned and always left it to him and us kids. It’s strange the sort of learned behavior you can find yourself with without realizing it. However, the more likely, although far less deep and thoughtful, conclusion is that it’s simply a better way to let off pent up anger than hitting a wall or some other such guy thing….plus it has much more positive results.

On a different note, I started a new scrapbook/diary thing a couple of days ago offline. The idea is to not work in a completed book setting, which is a bit overwhelming, but rather to work one page at a time, much like you do with scrapbooking. Speaking of scrapbooking, I haven’t even begun to make pages with all the pictures I have from England and Ireland. I’ve sorted through them several times but it seems like every time I get them sorted something happens that forces me to un-sort them. Sigh. This apartment is simply too small and we have way too much stuff. I guess i probably shouldn’t say we, seth has way too much stuff and mine just adds to the chaos. Well, guess I better get to bed, who knows how I’m going to be able to drag myself out of bed tomorrow. 😦

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