Delusions of Grandeur

Second verse, same as the first……

Posted on: November 25, 2003

Alright so a little less than a month ago I was on here bemoaning the fact that my boss always seems to do everything last minute and the sad result was that I was working until all sorts of ungodly hours the night before I left for my uncle’s wedding. In fact I ended up finishing everything off and delivering it to said boss a mere four hours before my flight was scheduled to leave and still had yet to pack. This time I figured I was home free. She’s known about the thanksgiving holiday since….well, forever, it’s not like it changes or anything! The IRB protocol and informed consent thingies are supposed to be submitted to the IRB committee people within 60 days of the grant award date….which it turns out happens to be Nov. 30. Sounds like it shouldn’t be a problem right? Well, since everybody is going to be gone Thursday and Friday it turns out that means that the protocols and such have to be submitted tomorrow. So in typical fashion they all started working on this stuff at approx. 1 o’clock this afternoon. Well, that’s when they were scheduled to, but this is Miami and we just don’t do things on time around here so it was actually closer to 1:30 by the time everything got under way. Anyhow we are now frantically trying to get everything ready before tomorrow morning and I’m now going into work tomorrow so that I can make 17 copies apiece of each of the two IRB proposals in order that everything can be turned in tomorrow afternoon. I’m already having nightmares as I know full well from previous experience that it will all go something like this:

Me: *tapping fingers while waiting for copies to process*
Copy machine: whir, buzz, whir, buzz, crinkle, crunch
Me: What the hell?! Why?!? Why do you always do this!!!! *frantically run upstairs to reprint page that just got eaten by evil copy monster*
Boss: Everything alright Nikki?
Me: Nod, smile, grab sheet that replaces ruined sheet from copy monster and head back downstairs
Copy monster: quietly whirring … translation = “you’re gonna wish you were dead by the time I finish with you”
Me: Copy monster….err….machine….please, please just let me finish this so I don’t miss my flight…..
Copy monster: *evil laugh*
Me: *valiantly insert new sheet and hit start button to continue copying process*
Copy monster: whir, buzz, whir, buzz, staple, whoosh, whir, buzz, whir, buzz, beep beep beep
Me: *shocked out of whir, buzz induced haze* what’s wrong now
Copy monster: feed me more paper
Me: but we don’t have any more paper, what did you do with the paper I already gave you
Copy monster: do not argue with me or you WILL miss your flight
Me: Sorry
*knock knock knock*
Me: Sorry to bother you ms. materials manager lady but we’re out of paper, can I borrow some and replace it when we get more in
Materials manager lady: I’m sorry, I can’t allow you to do that, I have sixty thousand reams of paper sitting in my lovely paper closet but i’m an evil paper troll….
Me: Thank you for all your help, have a great thanksgiving (hmph)
Me: *trudge back upstairs and ask underpaid, underappreciated secretary if she has any extra paper*
UUS: Sure Nikki, just pull some out of the cabinet in the back office.
Me: Thank you, you have saved my life!!!
UUS: No problem, happy thanksgiving!!!
Me: You too……*head back down to copy monster*
Copy monster: You sure took a long time with that paper
Me: You are a machine, you can’t talk to me……I am not going crazy, please desist in this nonsensical chatter and finish making my copies.
Copy monster: You started it!!!
Me: *covers ears* La La La
Copy monster: whir, buzz, whir, staple, whoosh, whir, buzz, staple, whoosh, etc etc….
Boss: Nikki, why are you covering your ears?
Me: oh….uhmm…..I was checking to make sure I wasn’t wearing any earrings…….can’t be too careful about setting off that airport security machine you know…..yeah…..
Boss (after giving me an extremely wierd and worried look): We just had to make some changes to page 12 of the focus group protocol….have you already made those copies
Me: Their copying right now
Boss: Well, I guess you can just remove the staples and add the new sheet in right?
Me: Sure *looks at copy machine and sighs*
Copy monster: whir, buzz, crunch, crinkle, clunk
Me: Oh god! what now!!!
Copy monster: I’m tired…..I think I’ll take a vacation now.
Me: carrying massive bundle of papers and searching for another copy machine, one located in an office that has not been vacated because of the holiday.
Copy machine2: Nikki….hey….over here… can make copies on me!!!

*and then it all begins again*

yep, that’s what I have in store for tomorrow… big long day of talking copy machines……I can already see my therapy appointment next week……

Although….to be fair, I’m not really in a bad mood….I just finished reading HWATF 10 and it was too good for me to be unhappy right now…..I’ll be unhappy later when I start worrying about packing……..


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