Delusions of Grandeur

Evolution, Muscles and other Science-y things

Posted on: December 27, 2003

Every so often I’ll wake up at night and hear weird noises coming from the direction of my floor. I always passed it off as my dog doing weird things. Tonight I have discovered that my dog was not the culprit. No, nothing so ordinary as that……it was the dust elephants. In fact, they’re so big I would say they are dust mammoths, except that it’s much too warm in Florida for mammoths to survive. Although I’m beginning to wonder if mammoths haven’t managed to evolve into a warm climate species and they just forgot to send a memo to the scientific community.

The discovery of the dust elephants (potential mammoths) was a direct result of my desire to make this move as painless for those who are helping us as possible. I’ve moved all the furniture except my dresser (it won’t fit down the hall and has to go out the back door and I still won’t venture outside after dark by myself), Seth’s dresser (it still has a lot of stuff on it which he has to take care of), and our bed (’cause I gotta sleep SOMEWHERE tonight!!). What this means is that I have revealed floor space that has remained a dark, inaccessible dust haven of sorts pretty much since we moved in a year and a half ago. I didn’t know there was so much dust in the entire Universe, but apparently there is, so much so that it has gone WAY past the point of simple dust bunnies.

This process also lead to the discovery of several, here-to-fore unknown muscle groups in my body. Seriously…..I thought I discovered them all after the mint planting incident, but apparently not. Note to self: send memo to scientific community about discovery of new muscle groups and dust elephants (potential mammoths), also make up name for new muscle group. I’m beginning to think that the preparation for the move is actually more injurious than the move itself will be. At least I’m hoping so. The good news is that I will have little to do with the lifting of heavy furniture tomorrow, but rather will be putting things away as they arrive at the new apartment (HURRAY NEW APARTMENT).

After the discovery of the new muscle groups and a new level of filthiness previously unknown to man, I decided I had had enough. (it always looks strange to me when I put the same word twice in a row….anybody else have that problem?) I’ve just finished soaking in the bathtub for a wonderfully relaxing hour and a half (that’s four refills) then scrubbing myself in the shower for about 15 minutes…..just in case there was any lingering dirt. I’m pleased to report that I can find no dirt, although I have discovered a lingering speck or two of paint that has stubbornly resisted all attempts to remove it. The bad news is that I already packed my lotion and took it to the new place so I’ve had to make do with the lotion we keep in the kitchen, which isn’t bad, but smells like lemons so I feel like I’m a piece of newly polished furniture. (Is it weird that I firmly associate the smell of lemons with Pledge?)

Anyhow, now that I’m clean (and polished! 🙂 ), I’m going to enjoy a nice relaxing glass of wine and then take myself off to bed in my surreally empty bedroom.


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