Delusions of Grandeur

A carefully stacked deck

Posted on: February 11, 2004

So I went to the UM med school bookstore to purchase an insulated cup/mug thing for my hot tea in the morning because I’m tired of fighting with Seth over who gets to have the nifty insulated mug thing in the morning and losing. As I paid for my purchases I looked to the left of the cash register and what should I spy but a stand of “Bush Cards.” Having never heard of these cards, but suspecting that they were going to be funny I picked up the deck and examined it. After reading the little display I couldn’t help but add them to my purchases….These things are ridiculously funny. To see the hilarity for yourself go to The front card in the package reads:

Congratulations on purchasing Bush Cards! Made in the U.S.A., these high-quality cards should last years longer than the administration of George W. Bush. They are perfect for every family card game — Texas Hold ‘Em, Spades, “I Doubt It”, and all the variations of Rummy: Gin, King and Crazy.
Poker players may bet added pleasure from special White House Rules, with hands like The Environmental Flush, The Enron Pair, and The Legal Bent (is anything straight anymore?). Depending on personal preference, Aces can be either high or low.
Of course, the cards are also well suited to children’s games like War. Enjoy the cars! Rest assured–you are playing with a full deck.”

My favorite is the Donald Rumsfeld card — “As we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know that there are known unknowns. That is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don’t know we don’t know.” God help us all of these people get to run the country for another term!!!

I find myself overwhelmingly tempted to have a deck sent to my uncle who, for some unknown reason, seems to think this guy is actually doing a good job. I’m still holding out on the hope that he’s just saying all that stuff to mess with me, but I’m becoming increasingly convinced that he really does believe the things he says……sigh. He even came up with some ridiculous idea that Bush has found the WMD that we supposedly went to war over and that he’s just waiting until closer to November to unveil the fact that they’ve been found. Beyond the fact that this theory has some serious flaws……even if it is true that’s HORRIBLE!!! To be spending billions of dollars over the past year supposedly searching for these things, risking the lives of our soldiers, ruining our credibility in the international community all for a campaign gimic?!?! Alright enough of that……..I don’t even want to think about it anymore right now…..although I’m going to definitely send the cards now that I’ve thought about it…..maybe somebody should anonymously donate a deck to the white house?

In other random news, has anybody seen that new commercial for the Quiznos subs……the one with the scary hamster looking things wearing sombrero’s and singing in the most awful voice I’ve ever heard? Seriously, those commercials make me want to pledge that I will never eat another sandwich again……ever! The first time I saw that commercial I thought it was just a really bad joke…..maybe seth had messed around on the computer, come up with some awful animation, taught our dog to sing, taped it all and stuck it in the VCR just to mess with me……turns out I was sadly wrong.


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