Delusions of Grandeur


Posted on: March 11, 2004

You know how sometimes you make a comment that you think is somewhat universal and the person you’re with just completely misses it? Seth and I had one of those random moments tonight. We were watching Futurama and someone on the show stood up to make a speech and of course started it with “ladies and gentlemen…” and of course an old rhyme I’ve known since childhood (although I can only ever remember the beginning of it) popped into my head so I interrupted the character and finished his speech with “hobos and tramps, crosseyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants…..” and of course seth looked at me as if I had just grown two heads. Not because I interrupted the tv, but simply because he had no idea what on earth I was talking about. So, as usual, I went to look it up on the internet so I could prove that I wasn’t crazy and such a strange speech does indeed exist. Turns out there are hundreds of forms of it, most of them vaguely similar. After going through several pages I finally found the one that I know from childhood and showed it to him. I guess it simply holds more appeal when you’re a silly kid because I could tell by the look on his face that he was wondering who wastes their time coming up with such strange things. Anyhow, for the benefit of those of you who may have never heard this rhyme, and those of you who have and just want to take a trip down memory lane:

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants,
I come before you to stand behind you
To tell you of something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday (which is good Friday),
There will be a convention held in the
Women’s Club which is strictly for Men.
Admission is free, pay at the door,
Pull up a chair, and sit on the floor.
It was a summer’s day in winter,
And the snow was raining fast,
As a barefoot boy with shoes on,
Stood sitting in the grass.
Oh, that bright day in the dead of night,
Two dead men got up to fight.
Three blind men to see fair play,
Forty mutes to yell “Hooray”!
Back to back, they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
Came and arrested those two dead boys.


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