Delusions of Grandeur

Archive for April 2004

I just had what was quite possibly the wierdest dream ever….it is also an idea for a very very BAD horror flic. In my dream I was the guy from Jaws and had just moved to a new oceanside locale. The local police force, who I was training was making fun of me for being overly paranoid about sharks because I had just thought I had sighted a shark and it had turned out to be a child’s toy.

I was lecturing them on how many times I had seen areas that had never had a shark problem suddenly turn up with one. I indicated how the water was unusually murky and said some sort of mumbo-jumbo about the river backing up due to some strange new mating habit of the shrimp that was brought about by el nino (see I told you this was weird). Anyhow, as I was lecturing the tide did something funny and we had a little, I don’t even know how to describe it…it was a tidal wave without the drama and wind and rain, etc.

At that point in time I really did spot a shark and took off with my devices that attached to either arm and were both guns and self-propelling floating devices. One of the cadets came with me. As we were going through the waters I was muttering psychotic wierness about how these were MY waters. I spotted the shark again and tossed one of my gun floating device things back to the cadet. Right after that the cadet managed to sink it so I was working on trying to recover it while he held on to the last remaining thing when suddenly the shark loomed out of the water (yes I mean loomed, almost as if he was walking on a platform placed about a foot and a half below the surface) and towered over some kid on a red raft.

The cadet panicked and shot the shark but he used the wrong button, the button he used shot out a spear that was attached to a rope which was attached to the gun. Chaos ensued and we somehow all ended up on the boardwalk trapped, to various degrees in the rope. The shark is now incredibly pissed off, but isn’t trying to attack the kid, instead he’s trying to attack the cadet. It’s as I’m giving specific instructions to the cadet to stay still (much as if the shark was a t-rex and I was the cool dinosaur guy from Jurassic Park) that the cadet starts to freak out, enraging the shark further.

The cadet breaks free and starts to run and now suddenly, instead of the exasperated shark expert I’m now the cadet running from the shark, who has managed to get up on his fins on the boardwalk and is chasing me. As the shark is chasing me it turns in to a very scraggly man (much like the pictures of sirius in the trailer for prisoner of azkaban). He doesn’t seem to have very good sight though because he’s relying on the kid to tell him where I am. I circle around the building with the kid and the shark hot on my tail.

It’s as I’m coming back around to the front of the building that I hear a strange chanting from all the kids, “free the shark, kill the man” I cross the front of the building and up some rarely used stairs that lead to a balcony that overhangs the boardwalk and is (according to my thoughts) rarely used and a place I’m not likely to be found. To further ensure my safety I go up to a third floor that’s not even a real floor, in fact it consists entirely of a bunch of metal pipes that I’m walking on very quietly in order to not reveal my presence.

What I didn’t count on was the sharks sense of smell. It’s not long before I see him coming up the stairs to the third floor. Making a quick decision I notice that there’s an area below where I can jump down to the second floor, swing on some metal pipes there and land down on the first floor. I do that and conveniently disappear into a store, thinking that following my scent will keep the shark busy for a while since my scent is now all over the general area. As I enter the store I overhear the owner complaining that the store has been taken over by the police force as a base of operations. Hearing that I head to the back room and tell the captain my story. Of course he doesn’t believe that there’s a shark who has morphed into a man. The shark expert is conveniently missing.

Apparently they’ve set up a base of operations because after the tidal wave thing all the children started chanting as if controlled by something else. For some reason I instinctively knew it was the shark….probably due to the earlier chanting, but who knows. As I was explaining my reasoning to the captain I saw the shark man walk past the window in a scene eerily similar to the scene in Signs where the alien is filmed walking past at the children’s birthday party (god I hated that movie, it has seriously scarred my psyche). It was at this point that I woke up.

As to why I woke up, who knows, although it’s probably an instinctive reaction to anything that has anything to do with that movie…I had nightmares about that movie for weeks on end, i still can’t figure out why I watched it, but anyhow. I can’t convey to you how much this dream bothered me…it’s incredibly silly and strange but the atmosphere was very eery and I’m simply not a writer so I can’t even begin to describe it to you. Anyhow, there’s your peek in to my psyche. Wierded out yet?

edited: because I wasn’t paying attention to punctuation and spelling when I typed this.

edited a second time: to add gratuitous paragraphs (even though there weren’t any TRULY convenient paragraph breaks) I’m surprised Katie (TX) didn’t chime in on this one!!!


I’m in a mood to rant about various things, however I lack the energy required for a true sustained rant — which incidentally is the energy crisis I refer to in my subject line, so far as I know the only place in the country suffering from an energy crisis is California and since I live on the opposite side of the country, I feel sorry for them but really am not overly worried about it. Anyhow….

Have any of you ever noticed how some people seem to go out of their way to take up WAY more than their allotted amount of space, especially on narrow sidewalks hemmed in by construction on either side. Then they walk incredibly slow which increases your desire to get past them while their elbows (which are BOTH sticking out on either sides of them, and I mean WAY out, one of which is at eye level because they haven’t learned how to talk on the phone with their arm close to their bodies) decrease any chance of getting past them. Additionally they feel that the traditional rules of walking on a certain side of the sidewalk do not apply to them, nosiree, they can walk down the middle and bugger anybody who thinks otherwise. This middle of the sidewalk phenomenon is particularly prevalent in Miami……I tell you it’s like one big game of chicken down here. hmmmm…..well, look at that, guess I had the energy for a rant after all…..even if it is a small one.

This ranty mood combined with the energy crisis is most certainly a result of the nasty weather we’re having. When I was in Ireland I thought misty days were charming….they even had a charming name for it “soft weather.” Here it’s not soft, it’s damp and generally annoying. So damp that you generally feel like just the process of breathing is going to result in a deadly case of pneumonia, but I imagine if that was truly the case then there would be far fewer people living here….although you never know, people are a glutton for punishment.

On the other hand I have a nice hot cup of corn chowder and some refreshingly clean, “purity guaranteed” aquafina to keep me company while I wait for this day to end so I suppose I’ll quit whining……all the people in places that have real energy crises are probably saying “thank god.” The rest of you are just used to me. 🙂

Anyhow, I was going to wait until I had properly answered Sean’s journal to steal this, but I don’t feel like waiting and who knows when I’ll be able to come up with an interesting memory for his, although I do promise I will. In a revival of an age old meme:

Post a memory of me in the comments. It can be anything you want.
Then- post this to your journal and see what people remember of you.

Another fun, slightly more recent one is to make up a memory of me and post it in the comments, then do the same in your journal…well, you know the drill.

In fact, to spice things up a bit, you don’t even have to bother to mention whether it’s real or not…only you and I will know the truth and I won’t tell. Unless of course you say something unspeakable such as “I remember the time you wore white shoes after labor day.” In which case I will shake my head sadly that you would tell such a travesty of a lie and then answer back with something along the lines of “of course I remember that!! That was the time my calendar got all switched around and I came to school dressed for Halloween in February!” But I still won’t tell that it’s a lie. 🙂

This is the best site I’ve seen in regards to urban legends. Definitely a fun thing to check out when you have some spare time. I couldn’t believe how many things I thought were fact were in fact either completely fictitious or dubious at best. Especially alot of the Disney knowledge.

Alright I stole this from Katie’s journal because I know there are some of you who don’t know her and nobody, and I mean NOBODY should miss out on seeing the funniest thing ever to hit ebay. It actually had over 2 million hits when I went to look at it and was at a ridiculously high price. Wow. I don’t know what this fascination says about us as the general public, but whatever it says, I’m sure it’s funny. 🙂

What stupid celebrity are you destined to kill? by daydreamer8852
You killed
With a
On February 9, 2018
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Take the quiz: “Which American City Are You?”

Las Vegas
You Shine bright and partake in all the vices. You’d rather burn out then fade away.

Well, that was certainly unexpected. At least i thought so….

See….just that subject line alone shows how ridiculous I am. If you need further proof, well here you have it. I went to Payless today and bought four new pair of shoes, for which I have no room in my closet, two of those pair are the exact same thing just in different colors….damn you buy one get one half off sale!!! Although at least I purchased random amounts of shoes at Payless and not at one of the ridiculously overpriced mall boutiques (which admittedly have very cute shoes but I’ve learned that very cute shoes also tend to be painful and something in me won’t let me pay that much money for pain.) Additionally I got two new belly button rings, which are adorable, but still useless since I’m still not allowed to change it and am stuck with the boring one they use to pierce it. It has healed quite nicely though and I believe I will change it on my birthday as a present to myself. Seth has stopped arguing with me as he has finally realized that it is a completely useless pursuit and his time is better spent trying to find conspiracies on the Jerry Springer show. This is what happens when you date a Taurus….they drive you to insanity……or maybe that’s just me. 🙂

Anyhow, all is well and boring here, I somehow ended up watching most of the first round of the nfl draft plus the first 10 picks of the second round (because I wanted to see who the Titans got). I’m still not entirely sure how I ended up watching it in the first place, but I guess that’s what happens when you live with a minor sports nut who doesn’t want to be working on his 20 page paper that’s due soon. In other sports news, the Marlins are up by two against the Braves, hopefully they’ll win, which they have yet to be able to pull off this year against the Braves, although they still have one of the best, if not the best (don’t feel like looking it up right now and seth is busy walking the dog) record in all of baseball right now. And just in case any of you care…..which of course you do, because why else would you be reading this…..I got ahold of Christina today to wish her happy birthday since I coincidentally got a random chain-mail email from her. Note to everybody, I HATE chain mail, do not send it to me or you will get incredibly annoying and sarcastic messages of AIM or email in response…..just ask Angela, although she’s very stubborn, it took three or four years of sarcasm to discontinue the chain mail there, but she’s also used to me…..the rest of you probably couldn’t hold up for that long against me on full annoying level. 🙂


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